jamiegirl

The windows are all open now, I surround myself with the things that I love… a bowl of berries, white cotton nighty, unfinished books.
The wind blows swollen melodies of lust and tenderness right across the room and into my brain… A conversation starts. It makes it that much harder to ignore the fact that I am alone.

Suddenly the music feels too intimate. The implications and the heartbreak of every note magnifying the reality of where I am…of where I want to be.

I long for a closeness that is fed by vulnerability….by weakness. Mine is a folded paper origami heart made from Kleenex full of tears…  long since dried.
I remember how I fell from the sky and found gravity in my backbone…. how I stayed in that place where the light barely reached my finger tips until silent prayer became loud… until it felt like home.

It crept up on me. In the folds and shadows of my skirts and my open books. In paintings and on snow covered sidewalks. In the drain of my bathtub…in the painful screech of my kettle that played a song of gratitude and shame and hope, over and over.

It’s hot now, the rain seems to have gone missing and the air smells like the color green, its sticky and full of chirping and incidents.

Silverware outside, doors left open, hearts falling deeply and landing softly…I miss the little things most.

If I could write… this is what I might say…

but these are just whispered words that are far too little to try to hold on to.

Sunglasses, cold strawberry tea. Paper houses and the perils of self-publishing.  Everything reminds me of something… of things I already know. Reality is so much more flexible than it admits

At night I crawl in to your big boy bed and listen to you breath. I press my face into your neck and I smell your little bones.
They smell like rain on a hot sidewalk.
I… Continue reading

Cradling a paperback in my lap, touching bubblegum to my lips I look up for a moment. bicycles and yards, church steps, a conversation at noon. 

Deep breath, smell the grass, think of god…

Sitting by the gas fireplace, hot chocolate in a saucepan on the kitchen stove. I can feel this endeavor looming and beckoning, all the while knowing it has already begun.
Messy, elaborate schemes… strips of… Continue reading

A long talk about new lives,
words tumbling over both sides of us.
salt water wind, walking fast.
smiles make light dust on the sidewalk.
smell of spring, loving… Continue reading

afternoon into evening, still thinking about the imposition of intimacy.
a few paragraphs now… but these have been good days for music.
the world of writing can… Continue reading

there are lovely things in her ugliness
crinolines in her laundry…
jewelry made from her fallen eyelashes
and fragile ruined words…as broken as her being.
impossibly beautiful.
she stays up late… Continue reading

the words of a beautiful man,
I could almost live
on a diet
of just that.
it moves me something fierce
and something soft
and something rough
and something kinky
and… Continue reading

Vanilla wafers in a parked car.
Rain everywhere.
Rain is confession weather
and cars become booths for
prayer if we let them…

washed in the shallow waters of gratitude
happy tears, a quick glimps
just a gurgle in a float-along morning
kerplunk splash and half masted lids
as i guzzle another cup of jitters… Continue reading

jumbled in the head and dragging my future away from you
you have kissed me quite insane it seems
caressed me into crazy.
and i, with my fingers… Continue reading

kiss me on the cheek
i’ll call it treason
and you’ll hold your head so low
that you cant see the sky
slap the pretty off my face… Continue reading

sidewalk cracks and switchblade teeth.
heart in a paper bag on my bedside table
it seems my limits are made of rubber bands

I’ll become selfish and fall asleep, fists clenched
you’ll gently try to pry them… Continue reading

words working in me
like bees in the attic.
quill in my teeth and
grit has drifted into my ink bottle
stinging me

your voice was soft
like the carpet
in an old hotel
my paper thin heart
is still caked… Continue reading

My breast of palest pale,
where blue veins mark a path of baby
Hands that held his little bottom
and lips that kissed wet cheeks through wailing
My body knows his body
and time goes so fast
I find… Continue reading

I wanted to melt him in a few drops of water on a spoon and suck him into a needle and inject him right… Continue reading

You are my beautiful disappointment

We gorged on each other
so that we would almost faint and die.
did things
things I’d be ashamed of
if I were a better person.
I was even envious of the towel
that you reached for… Continue reading

these days i show the years.. i think about what it might be like to buy the book with the ugliest cover… Continue reading

She said to write about love, and about art…write about bare feet on the dash board and fucking.
She said write about french kissing and painting naked and drunken baths for two.
Don’t write about campfires.
And he… Continue reading

windy today and i feel less than brilliant. driving over the hill from work there are the dark parts on the road, when you pass through clumps of wood and the bright spots where you… Continue reading

and when i’m dead i wonder
if i will wear that same secret smile of relief
my mouth laced with sorrow

and if my bare, bare feet… Continue reading

you were all diet pepsi and white toast
surfer boy with your broken feet
you were marathons and heavy breathing
running man with your broken harte
you were… Continue reading

…but you, you were something I knew I couldn’t be good at, even if I tried,
so I didn’t
and now I’m here, where I don’t want to be.
We’re here together, I mean, that’s… Continue reading

Lips that taste of tears, i think,
Are the best for kissing.

and I know that if anybody speaks to me

or looks at me too closely

the tears will fly out of my eyes and the sobs will… Continue reading

taken over
by bright eyes
and pursed lips
and strong arms
and mismatched socks

unhinged
by fake teeth smiles
and wild eyes
and clenched teeth
against a dirty red sofa
dizzied
by brave confessions
and smart crazy talk
and gleaming laughing

Time turns into a rope that unravels slowly as I wait to be intoxicated
by your kisses.
When I see you, and you smile at… Continue reading

i want to pick
a bouquet
of kisses
from his mouth
and put them
in water
beside my bed
and to just…

sleep…

heard art,
heard notes,
heard you walked home
let the rain saturate your blue jeans
just so you could feel sorry for yourself

heard poem,
heard step
heard you think I’m perfect
heard you… Continue reading

She wants you to touch her.
She takes your hand, guiding it,
circling the sore spot, over and over,
wanting you to make it better,
wanting you to make it right.
god bless the ravaged woman
batting her lacquered eyes… Continue reading